First BJJ Session of the Year 2010

The first session back after a break is always a little more emotional for me, and I guess for a lot of people too, with the degree of emotional involvement often in proportion to the length of the break.

But which emotions am I referring to? Let me explain.

I find myself feeling a mixture of joy, excitement and apprehension. Joy at the sight of friends and of being on the mat with them. The camaraderie developed in BJJ / Grappling gyms around the world is often very strong and real.

The excitement comes from being back in the roll. I’ve always felt that BJJ / Grappling is a lot of fun to talk about, read about and definitely to watch but nothing tops actually doing BJJ, and neither should there be. It’s an experience.

That leaves the apprehension and I say that for the lack of a better word. One of the reasons I’m looking into Buddhism and Aliveness is because I catch myself sometimes not living the moment but rather thinking about the past and worrying about the future. In BJJ / Grappling context, that means thinking about past performances on the mat and worrying about future performances on the mat. I understand that this in the big Kodak means nothing; I comprehend that, but I hold my hand up and confess that every now and again it gets to me.

I suppose realising that and admitting it is half the answer. In a way, all is as it should be.

Here is a wonderful quote about the illusion of control from Guy Claxton’s book: The Heart of Buddhism that I’m reading:

"Try as I might, I do not seem to be able to get access to the factory where choices are actually made, but am at best standing at the gates, catching glimpses of what goes in and out"

How do you guys feel about returning to the mat after a break (short or long)?

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